Sunday, 26 February 2012

Pornographic Origami

It started out innocently. A teacher coaxed us “Will you PLEASE try to learn to fold a business letter properly?”. After a few practice attempts I could hold my own with the best of the class. I now suspect that particular English teacher was, even at the time, a high level paper pusher. It’s always the liberal arts ones, isn’t it?

Folks, paper folding is not the innocent victimless crime many think it is. It starts out with gateways like paper dolls and doilies but eventually entraps the victim as it did the young lass pictured below.

Following simple experimenting, like the horrible one my English teacher encouraged or folding tests in half vertically before turning them in, the next step is usually snow. We begin with a few simple cuts and get more and more daring as we advance in making the paper flakes. Doilies are generally next, progressing to more and more complex ‘designer’ varieties.

Paper dolls can be equally enticing. A simple attempt like this …

can soon advance to this …

or even worse.

Too many cannot stop at this level. They become addicted to pornographic origami. Hand fashioning the simple bird becomes a drive to fold a complex cock.

As simply as this horrible thing starts out it can run into real money.

The impact on the United States’ (USA) gross national product (GNP) last year was estimated to be hundreds of dollars in lost man-hours. Most of the associated injuries, many of them paper cuts, are suspected to have gone unreported and may have contributed another thousand dollars or so the true impact.

The only solution is for us all to remain on guard. Imagine, if you dare, your child is in his or her room with the door closed. Perhaps a close friend is in there. Is this one of those who, a product of poor parental supervision, might suggest something as outrageous as making one of these?

If so, how will you know? How will you curtail it before it gets out of hand? I suggest frequently checking you child’s waste paper basket for irregularly shaped tiny paper cuttings. They may even try to sneak these into those in your own receptacle where they will blend in. Always know what color paper you have in your stash and this will be harder for them to do. Their material inevitably comes from a different source than yours does. That brings to mind that you need not admit to ever having done these things yourself. If you are still doing it, don’t be silly enough to think it is OK for them to see you. Children will follow bad examples as easily as they will good ones.

Once they have advanced to simple, or even pornographic, origami this method of detection will no longer be possible. As you know, the entire uncut sheet is consumed in that practice. They may get careless and leave some of their stuff on their dressers or shelves. Perhaps you will even walk into their bedroom and discover boldly displayed mobiles. The most frightrning scenario is that you actually catch them in the act.

When this happens the best policy is to toss their room and confiscate any contraband paper. If you do not feel confident to confront them with the evidence, at least hide it with yours. They are likely to notice that you have ‘invaded their privacy’ and confront you. This is the opportunity to remind them that they are living under your roof, eating the food you bust your butt to be able to buy for them, and if they don’t like it they can get the hell out of the house.

Failure to do this may result in an unrecoverable child and lost friendship. You must answer these cries for help or you will have enabled another dysfunctional person to prey upon society. I was one of those, unable to control myself. For years I snuck around, growing progressively more proficient. I eventually found myself forced to testify before the congressional committee investigating pornographic paper folding.

I am not proud of some of the things I have done (some of them I curiously am) but I have, with the help of organizations such as PA, come a long way. I have not had a paper cut for over six months. Each day I go without one is another step forward, though I will always remain one fold from return to shame. I find myself willing to stand and deliver for the cause of stamping out this horrible disease. I urge you to join me.

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