Monday, 10 March 2014

How I’ll make my next million in an hour a day


Daylight savings time has started again, in a small percentage of the world. The rest it, and Wrigley field (They’ll never see daylight there), is probably suffering from a shortage of the stuff.


Don’t know why I didn’t think of it before. I’ve been saving daylight for most of my life (It doesn’t draw much interest) except for the years I spent in Arizona and Hawaii. I can’t remember if I did it while I was in the navy or not. Those were a drunken blur of chasing women, hoping I didn’t catch anything. I didn’t keep good records either.


Anyway, I’ve got an epiphany now and it’s going to make me rich. Look out Fortune-500. I’m going to package and market all of that stockpiled daylight that has just been sitting around in previously dark corners.  The beauty of it is that I can only do it an hour a day, with a mandatory long winter vacation every year. I suppose it doesn’t matter which hour I work, but I’m going to hedge my bet by using the first and last half hours of the day, with a long lunch break and maybe a nap or two between. Those things have helped me move rapidly from job to job over the years.


I started looking for a little financial backing without a lot of success. Some of the guys I approached laughed at me. A couple of them suggested I stick my idea where the sun don’t shine … well, Duh ! I guess I’ll just start out by my garage door, filling used pill bottles by hand. I’ve got a lot of those saved up for this kind of occasion that I always knew would come along someday and I have several hypochondriac friends.


Eventually I will plow the profits from that into building a bottling plant and, later, perhaps a pipeline to darkest Africa. I can see the day when every town will have drive-through daylight/coffee huts for the early riser on the way to work. A string of vending machines sounds promising too, or perhaps I will set up franchises and let other people do the work while I get a cut.


The most likely test markets are going to be in Beijing and either Nome or Little America (whichever is having winter). There are shortages of good pure daylight in those places. I suspect college campuses and political gatherings will be good markets too. They’ll generally buy stuff nobody else would.


My biggest competition will be the artificial light industry. I should be able to get over that hurdle by pointing out that such things as light bulbs, especially the curly ones, and key ring flashlights can’t be as good as the real thing. With just those, they’ll never see me coming until it is too late.


Having said all of that, I’m going to ask that you don’t tell any of your friends about this. I realize there are people who read this and are now turned on to the idea, no pun intended. On the other hand, the couple dozen or so of those that exist obviously don’t use their time well and are not likely to jump on this, or any other productive idea. Meanwhile I am going to nap for a bit and develop this idea.