Porter and Gigo

Nope, I’m not writing about a puppet show.

    It’s about time to get serious about becoming one of America’s great writers, right along side of Simon Perot and Casey Bowers. The only things holding me back, as far as I can see, are a little better PR campaign and submitting something for publication. In way of an early new year resolution, I am beginning to start the commencement of doing something to make a possible move in that direction, at least as far as the PR is concerned.

    The key is doing it in an economically conservative (cheap) manner since I don’t want to invest any more on the project than the result is likely to be worth. To proceed with a bolder effort would be folly and economically unwise and a real bad idea. I’ve had enough with bad ideas, especially in my recent experience.

     Could I do better than adopting a couple miles or so of highway to keep the litter cleaned up? There would be signs, perhaps every couple hundred feet or so, reading something like “This is section of Maine highway 231 maintained by Porter Starr Byrd – Author”. Something like that would make me famous in eastern Massachusetts and points south. Could there be a better start? It could easily add to my advertising campaign funding, a nickel or so at a time, and contribute to my collection of possibly valuable someday ‘stuff’ too.

     While the deal with the milk carton people is not progressing well (They seem to work with the missing, rather than the unknown), I still have hope that I can work something out with the folks behind labeling Jim Beam, Ripple and Frothingslosh. While each of those attracts a different crowd, any of them would enhance the experience of reading one of my books. One of them is bound to answer my letter soon. Wheaties has replied to my offer, but it seems I am not what they are looking for, though they promised to reconsider if I ever break a world record or something like that.

     I researched the opportunity to get my picture on Post Office walls, but have abandoned that since they would probably not be highlighting my work as an author. It’s hard to work with the government and just doesn’t seem it would be worth the time, especially if it is hard time.

     The thought of negotiating with amateur critics is scary, at best, but I suppose if I let some book reading clubs have some copies of my manuscript to read, they might set up fan clubs or something. I hope they can handle used three ring binders from flea markets and garage sales and refrain from mulling over what is on the back sides of the pages, thinking it is part of the story.

     I’ve tried writing to established writers to get buddy-buddy  with them and have them offer endorsements but so far they have all replied as if they thought I was interested in THEIR work, as if I had time to read right in the midst of promoting my own fame, or are dead. I don’t remember reading their obituaries but evidently Mark Twain and John Steinbeck are no longer with us. May they rest in peace.

     A bit more expensive, I may have to consider sandwich boards and inflatable Porters outside of book stores and coffee shops. That, of course, would only become an option if my other efforts fail.